So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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