I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
