don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
