whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
