i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
