Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
