Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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