The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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