Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
