im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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