Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am available for nakedness
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
