He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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Is Oprah even human
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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