Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
