I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
