Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
