She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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