But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
