One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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