i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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