Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
