Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
