The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
