is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
