I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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