He uses pillows to masturbate.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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