I CAN MOONWALK!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
