i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
