i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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