i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
