I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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