guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
