Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
