just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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