lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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