sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
