The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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