tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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