he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
