ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
