so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
