In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
