I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
