My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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