she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
