If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The air taste purple.
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