very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
