Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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