Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
