In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
