I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
as a side note pls kill me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize