Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
