A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
