He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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