i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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