Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
