Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
