There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids