Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.