Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think