I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.