I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
