I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
