True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize