4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
