Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
