everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
