So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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