Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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