8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
