my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
