The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
