I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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