hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
