Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
