Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
