found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize