Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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