brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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